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Help me pick their birthdays!



I'm making progress on my second project, writing small biographies for Brad and Scott from my contemporary wrestling series. This was the first step, making their portraits from the cover of Red Sunset. I know how old they are, and where they are from originally, you'll find that out once I get the first one written. Your job is to help me with their birthdays. In a comment here, on on Facebook, or via a Tweet...let me know what dates you want for their birthdays. I'll take it from there!

And don't forget the weekly WOW going on at my Facebook page! Here's a sneak peek at this week's installment.....Warin!

Rowena's Facebook Page
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Just a short update about my health.

The last I wrote I was facing chemotherapy, and as of yesterday I have completed four rounds of the heavier chemo (cytoxan and adriamycin). It has not been without its struggles as I experienced an uncommon reaction from the first round (chills and high fevers, and four days where I was barely functional). In a few weeks I start on 12 weeks of lighter chemo (taxol). A few months after that we go back to completing the reconstruction.

Unfortunately the chemo has affected me to the point where I have not been able to return to my day job. I was disabused of the notion that I'd be writing every day, as I have a hard time concentrating long enough.

To fill up time, the other day I read a diary I kept during my junior and senior years in high school. Aside from making me cringe and laugh at myself, I noticed that I did have the writing bug even back then. I mentioned three novels I wanted to write, and I frequently wrote little stories for myself. It was uplifting in a funny way.

I have two projects I'm trying to do to keep myself "out there." First of all, I'm revisiting my novels via a "weekly wow" on my Facebook page. I am posting them here too for anyone who is interested. I'm also planning to write two character journal entries. They will be "where did I come from" sketches for Brad and Scott from Blue Moon/Red Sunset.

Otherwise, I spend my day playing solitaire on my phone, and watching the Food Network.

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Although I know it's not a good idea to search for reviews, I did it anyway. Lo and behold I found this beautiful review for Promises and Lies at Amazon Canada. I'm always o touched when people *get* my work...and this reviewer did. The review is almost 2 years old, and back then I might have been thinking about a sequel (a Gabe/Mark specific sequel)...but not any longer.

Link to Review

When real life crosses with fiction

I've always said that Promises and Lies is my red-headed stepchild.

From the Urban Dictionary:

A child who is obviously not your own, a child who is treated worse than other children in the family.

Okay, well the book is obviously my own, but I've always felt it was treated worse than my other books. On the other hand, I am highly-sensitive so it might be my imagination.

Recently Promises and Lies has sold a few more copies. For a book that is nearing its third anniversary I think that's a good thing. It has also gotten a few new ratings at Good Reads. Three star ratings for what is overall considered a three star book. I always feel like I don't know how I missed the mark with this book, but I did.

The climactic portion of the book deals with Jeff (one of the MCs) and how he is stricken with appendicitis. I spent a lot of time researching appendicitis. I've never had it myself, but I've known people who have. Apparently the editor also had know people who have had appendicitis before, and we clashed over many of the symptoms, and even the way I portrayed the medical language. One of the classic ways you can diagnose appendicitis is through looking at neutrophils. The editor insisted I enlighten people that neutrophils are a kind of white blood cell. All of this stuck in my head.

So, how does this cross over to real life? Have I had appendicitis myself in the interim?

No, but I did have a scary encounter with neutrophils.

As I have shared before, I'm battling breast cancer. At this point in time I am cancer free, but I'm suffering through chemotherapy as a means of making sure the cancer doesn't return. I've had two of four major doses of chemo. The second round reaction was more normal. Fatigue, loss of appetite, and other ailments I'm too ladylike to admit ;) The first round reaction, though, brought me right up against those nasty neutrophils. I suffered something called a neutropenic fever. According to the oncologist it's not common to have this sort of reaction. For four days I was wracked with chills followed by very high fevers. Eventually I was given an antibiotic, and I slowly got back to normal. My plastic surgeon is the one who told me that it's called a neutropenic fever, and because it sounded vaguely familiar, I looked it up. Ah...the neutrophils.

Unfortunately, I have little energy for anything beyond playing solitaire on my phone and watching CNN. I'd love to take advantage of this enforced down-time to whip out a novel, or at least a novella, but I don't think it's in the cards.

In case you're curious, here's the info about Promises and Lies.

Update about my health: Breast Cancer



Whenever I get something major wrong with me, it's never something normal.

When I was in my early twenties, my lung collapsed four times before it was properly diagnosed. When it was, I was told that a spontaneous pneumothorax was a rare thing, and I turned up in the minority. Two major lung surgeries later (both before I turned 25) and I was cured. I had a suspicion I wasn't done with being weird medically though.

Here's a brief rundown of my fight with breast cancer:

  1. February: I had my routine mammogram.

  2. Soon after the center called to request I have it re-done.

  3. March: Re-take of the mammogram and an ultrasound.

  4. The attending radiologist said I should have a biopsy.

  5. Biopsy.

  6. Next came a phone call from my doctor, he said they found pre-cancerous cells. I fell apart.

  7. I met with a surgeon. He reassured me that the lab results from the biopsy showed I had something called an intraductal papilloma. Basically, there was a blockage in one of my milk ducts. Common, and in 95% of the cases it's benign. I breathed a sigh of relief.

  8. May: I had a lumpectomy, which is now classified as a partial mastectomy.

  9. The surgeon reported, when I went for the results, that I had something called encapsulated papillary carcinoma. It's very rare. So rare neither he nor the pathologist had ever seen a case of it. There were surgical margins, which meant there was still some of it left inside my breast. He presented 2 options, either go in for another lumpectomy, or have a full mastectomy. He said I could wait a few weeks, and during that time he'd consult with colleagues.

  10. I went to see an oncologist. The oncologist confirmed the cursory Internet research I'd done, encapsulated papillary carcinoma occurs in .5 to 1% of breast cancer cases. He had also never seen a case of it. He recommended full mastectomy. He also said because it was encapsulated I wouldn't need chemotherapy.

  11. June: I went back to the surgeon. He had spent ten days meeting with colleagues and the chief pathologist at the hospital. The pathologist said he wanted to review both results (from the biopsy and the lumpectomy) because he, the surgeon, and all the colleagues agreed that it seemed implausible that the diagnosis went from something benign to a really rare form of cancer. In the mean time, he said mastectomy was the way to go.

  12. I went to see the plastic surgeon. He gave me the rundown on what to expect for reconstruction.

  13. July: surgery scheduled for the 17th. On the morning of surgery, the surgeon came to see me in pre-op. He said that the pathologist had reviewed everything, and the diagnosis was changed. It was now considered common ductal carcinoma in situ (dcis). It was still a good prognosis though, because in situ means it is contained in the ducts. He expected they'd get all of it out, and that I'd be done.

  14. I stayed in the hospital two nights because the plastic surgeon (remember, he is the most compassionate doctor I have in this whole nightmare) felt I needed more time to heal.

  15. Two weeks after surgery I went to see the surgeon, and the diagnosis changed again. They did remove an expansive dcis tumor. The surgeon quipped it was a "football field" (7.5 cm. According to a book the oncologist gave me, that's the size of a lime). There were no margins, so this time they did get it all. But...there was also a micro-invasive form of cancer both at the site of the dcis, and also in one of the four lymph nodes they removed. Prior to surgery they injected a radio-active isotope in my breast. During surgery they use a "Geiger counter" type thing to find what they call the sentinel node (the first lymph node in the chain). He removed two lymph nodes, and they were evaluated while the surgery continued. They looked "weird" so he went and got two more. This micro-invasive cancer (the cells were 1 mm in size) was only found in one of the four lymph nodes.

  16. I went back to see the oncologist. He had a hasty phone call with the pathologist right before seeing me (I heard him in the hallway). Bottom line, no matter how weird this is (the pathologist says in the report that it's "unusual to find micro invasive cancer with dcis, and that it raises questions) there was cancer outside of the breast, so the best course of action is an estrogen blocking medication, and chemotherapy. There's a website he used to show the odds, and the best odds for the cancer not coming back is a 6 month round of chemotherapy, and then the estrogen blocking drug for 5 years.

  17. I had a CT scan. Fortunately I finally caught a break in all this trauma, the CT scan was clean, no other cancer was found. This means that the surgery got it all. But, the chemo and the estrogen blockers are to help ensure it doesn't come back. Since I still have my right breast, this is the way to go.

So....my first chemotherapy treatment is September 4th, two days after my birthday. I'm told I will feel terrible for about a week. I'm also told I'll lose my hair. There will be a total of four heavy duty treatments, but the first one is the worst. Once those are done, there will be a weekly treatment, but it supposedly easier to deal with. I met the chemo nurses at the oncologist's office, they say I have a positive attitude, and that's half the battle.

I'm kind of a strange person. I tell people I'm not very curious. In other words, there are a lot of people who have wanted to take me under their wing and tell me exactly what they think will happen to me during chemo. I don't want to know. I want to find out as it happens. It might be different for me. Prime example of this is the tissue expansion process I'm going through. Countless people told me how much it would hurt, and that it's "worse than the surgery." I've found that it's not. Yes, it hurts, but it's not that bad. Believe me, so far nothing I've experienced has been worse than lung surgery...not even giving birth to a ten pound baby naturally!

What I recommend to all women is to get your annual checkup. I've had yearly mammograms since I turned 45. Even though this mass they removed was "the size of a lime"...I didn't feel it. The ob/gyn didn't feel it during my annual check up. I'm going to make it through this nightmare, and I'll be the one in five years saying "I made it."

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Medieval Rape, another take

I'm now at day eight post-mastectomy. Each day I feel a little better. I'm slightly apprehensive about tomorrow as that's when I'll find out just how bad (or not bad) the cancer part is. I feel like I'm not beating the odds at all. It went from "pre-cancerous" to "usually benign" to "oh my god you have something rare!" to "DCIS." This last bit was told to me by the surgeon just before the surgery. Ductal carcinoma in situ is a regular kind of breast cancer. I guess there's still the chance that it remained in the ducts, in which case they may have gotten it all out during the surgery. He says he took some extra lymph nodes to be sure. This is why I can't lift my arm. Heh.

To pass the time while I'm sitting around doing nothing I am reading. A few weeks ago, during a trip to Office Depot, I picked up a book called The Valcourt Heiress by Catherine Coulter on the discount book shelf. It's a medieval romance, just my cup of tea, and I'm familiar with the author. The book turned out to be fairly entertaining. Throughout most of it I kind of scratched my head and thought, "Is this accurate?" I'm not an expert on medieval times, but I know enough to wonder. For me, as a reader, I don't get all bent out of shape when things are not accurate to a "t"...but I do notice.

In any case, toward the end of the book a few names were mentioned that were familiar. Not historical names, just names that I knew I'd read about before. After some research I discovered that this book is book eight in Coulter's "Song Series." The names mentioned are from books one and two, so I have a suspicion that I read at least book two during the early 80s when it was released. Unable to face the garage in my weakened state, I decided to purchase book one for my Kindle. Yesterday I settled in to read.

Wow.

Right away, chapter two, there is a rape scene. While not overly graphic, it's descriptive enough to give you a sense of the agony. In a nutshell, a bad man came to a remote Welsh holding while the lord of the manor was out. He encountered the lord's bastard daughter, and announced he was there to marry her. He wanted her to admit where her mother and brother, the lord's heir, were hiding. She would not, so the bad man announced he would rape her lady-in-waiting to gain the information. And, he indeed did rape her, in front of the bastard daughter and the men at arms.

Okay. I'll admit right now that this rape was quite startling to me. Me! The one who used rape as a plot point in my medieval novels. Me, who didn't understand the outrage some people felt at my use of rape in my medieval novels. Me! The one who keeps harping on the fact that medieval times were different than modern times, and rape must be viewed differently in medieval novels.

The bottom line is that the rape in Warrior's Song is perplexing. I'm not entirely sure what purpose it served. The bad man claimed he would rape the lady-in-waiting because he wanted to know the location of the heir. The lady was loyal to a fault, and even though she was forced to strip and receive the bad man, she was still a virgin so her back "arched with the pain," she did not give up the heir. So there they were, bastard daughter in such a state of shock she vomits on the floor, lady-in-waiting, deflowered and shamed, and the bad man still without the heir, and seemingly no pleasure from the rape. What was the point?

I'm still not sure if I've ever read this book before, and I won't know until I can force my way into the garage to find my box of books. If I did, I bet I wasn't as appalled the first time as I am this time, but my memory gets hazy about these books.

After a few chapters I decided to go look at Amazon reviews. Sure enough, the overall rating for the book is about 3 stars, maybe a little more. It has a slew of 1 star ratings, all of them focusing on this rape, and how they were not able to even finish the book because of it. So again, this is where I differ from other people. Although I admit, the rape was troublesome for me on this reading, I would not rate the book 1 star. At this point, maybe 3 stars. Catherine Coulter is a "New York Times Bestselling Author" so I'm sure she doesn't give a rat's ass for these one star reviews. I don't think they're warranted. Yes, it's a shocking thing to read, but overall the rest of the book is well-written. I guess this will forever be something that sets me apart from other reviewers.

Put it this way. I love to eat, and I love to try new restaurants. Let's say I go to a restaurant and order something new, and let's say I end up not liking it. In all other aspects, the decor, the atmosphere, the service, the restaurant is stellar. I just don't happen to like what I ordered. I can't give the entire restaurant a bad review, because this is my personal taste.

On the other hand, I know there are people in the world who love to give bad reviews, and nothing will ever stop them.

Surgery scheduled, another personal update

hope


My surgery is scheduled for July 17.

Every time I get ready to make these updates I second guess myself. While I know people are concerned and have me in their thoughts, I'm also a very private person. Sharing these things is difficult.

I've opted for mastectomy and reconstruction, so I know the year ahead is going to be filled with ups and downs. Trying to keep a positive attitude, but sometimes it's difficult. Daily walks are helping with the motivation, but giving up my beloved wine has been a struggle. One way or another I'll get through it.

Of course, this cancer has really put a dent in my creativity. I'm sitting here with two stories all outlined, but no drive or desire to work on either one of them. My fear is that when I finally have the chance to work on them no one will remember, or care. It's frustrating, but it is what it is.

I tend to think of all of my stories as individual children, and I tie them to various points in my life. For example, The King's Tale is my first, and my favorite. It was published at a time when my life was in turmoil due to starting a new phase in my career. Promises and Lies is always my red-headed step child, so misunderstood. Most of it was created during this career turmoil period.

Unfortunately, Red Sunset was born into this cancer chaos, and it's likely that I'll always tie the two together in my mind. I think this is why the lackluster reception hurts.

I won't update again for a while. The plastic surgeon [literally the most compassionate doctor I've dealt with in this whole nightmare] says that the first week will be miserable, but that things will start to get better after that. I will update when I find out the results. I'm hoping that the cancer was indeed encapsulated, and that no further treatment will be necessary, but I've been on the wrong side of the odds through this whole journey, so one never knows.

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You may recall my absolute joy at receiving a recommended read from Two Lips Reviews? The reviewer asked me if I wanted to write a blog for her, and it was published yesterday. Stop by and check it out here...

Make Mine Medieval

I had long wanted to write a blog about how dirty and cruel medieval times were, but just never seemed to have the time. This blog explains, to an extent, one of the main changes I had to make in The King's Heart, and why I needed to. One of these days I'll talk more about this, but this is a beginning.

Checking in with a health update...

Since it has been a month, I thought I'd leave a small update about my health.

I went to see my surgeon, and apparently he thinks there is a disconnect between the first and second lab reports. The initial biopsy said intraductal papilloma, something that is generally considered benign, and the results from the lumpectomy that showed encapsulated papillary carcinoma. So, he is sending the slides to a pathologist at the hospital for a second opinion.

I saw an oncologist, and he reports that there are no markers to indicate that I would need chemotherapy. The day before the surgery a radioactive material will be injected, and then during the surgery they test for the sentinel node. If that is cancer free, then I won't need radiation either. The oncologist said chances are I would be on an oral medication for a number of years.

I decided to have a mastectomy and reconstructive surgery. The plastic surgeon explained the whole process, and while it sounds painful I'm sure I'll manage through it one way or another.

Surgery will be scheduled within the next few weeks.

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How Good Reads Defeated Me



Two months ago I had a Good Reads meltdown, and since then I check it only once a week. For the last 2 weeks there has been no change in my overall stats. In other words, no one is rating any of my books. As you can see by the above graphic, Good Reads as a whole finds me only slightly above average.

Granted, there was a time when this made me fume with impotent rage. There is a certain innate sense of ego in all writers I think. Like, it takes balls to submit your work to a publisher. I always said I was submitting my first manuscript with the hopes they'd reject it, because then I could prove I tried, but in reality I know I was hoping they'd accept it. I put that acceptance right up there as one of life's grand events.

I was just reading a post about comments made on an L.A. Times article. The article was about the Paula Deen scandal, and the comments posted to the article were truly cringe-worthy. As I read through them I started to think, this is no different than a Good Reads review. Sure, there are some people posting reviews on GR that don't have a hidden agenda, but I tend to think they're in the minority.

What caused this retreat from GR, for me anyway, was a few reviews posted on my latest novella, Red Sunset. Obviously, people are entitled to their opinions, and obviously I'm not one of those writers that everyone flocks to as a goddess. I put a lot of time, effort, and labor into writing my books, and to see them dismissed as drivel is not very pleasant.

In any case, writing is on hold over here while I figure out what my next steps are in my fight with cancer. I still do a double take when I seen my name associated with that word.

Dreamspinner Press is having a sale this weekend, stop over and check it out!
Each one of my books in a nutshell...


The King's Tale

Though Dafydd is the fourth son of Welsh nobility, when he leaves his home he becomes a humble woodsman in small kingdom of Lysnowydh on the sea. During a fierce storm, a stranger seeks shelter in Dafydd's remote cottage. He is no ordinary traveler—he is Christopher, King of Lysnowydh. The wild passion that flares between them rivals the storm, and love moves King Christopher's heart to name Dafydd Marshal of his troops to keep him close.

However, love is never simple or safe when it must endure the pressures of political life. Though Dafydd proves himself in battle, Lysnowydh's nobles protest his rise in position and power. Forces will conspire against Dafydd and Christopher, and they must endure treason, treachery, and the demands of a kingdom requiring an heir to secure their happiness together.

2nd Edition published June 2012

A Timeless Dreams title: While reaction to same-sex relationships throughout time and across cultures has not always been positive, these stories celebrate M/M love in a manner that may address, minimize, or ignore historical stigma.

Buy at DSP



Click
here for more reviews of this book.





The King's Heart

In thirteenth century Cornwall, a fierce king must have a strong partner, and that is what King Christopher of Lysnowydh has in his handfasted mate. Or had before rival King Warin kidnapped and tortured Dafydd to the point that, months later, he is still afraid to leave the castle. Christopher longs for Dafydd to accompany him to the other strongholds in his kingdom and to London to pay tribute to Henry III, but Dafydd is not ready. Christopher begins to wonder if Dafydd will ever recover.

Dafydd hates to disappoint his lover, but he is not sure what to do. Since he will not leave the keep, he renounces his position as king's marshal, vowing to focus on the healing arts instead. Though Christopher continues to pressure him to travel, Dafydd staunchly stays at home—until his second sight shows him he could lose Christopher if he cannot face his fears. Determinedly, Dafydd sets out to prove he can master them.

When Christopher returns home to find Dafydd gone, he knows exactly what Dafydd must have seen. As he once promised he would, he follows his heart across his kingdom—but even if he finds Dafydd, he may not be able to heal the rift between them.

A Timeless Dreams title: While reaction to same-sex relationships throughout time and across cultures has not always been positive, these stories celebrate M/M love in a manner that may address, minimize, or ignore historical stigma.

Buy at DSP



Click here for more reviews of this book.





Promises and Lies

When Sean Murphy meets Jeff Hayes in a park one day, he's charmed by the simple pleasure Jeff finds in walking his dog, and despite Jeff's guardian, Jesse, hovering over them, a friendship is born. Sean realizes there’s something different about Jeff, something that would explain his timid nature and fear of disappointing Jesse, and he suspects Jeff has been a victim of abuse.

Sean works hard to earn Jeff's trust, but there are so many challenges to meet: Jeff's unusual dependency upon Jesse, Sean's devil-may-care attitude toward the past, and old nightmares and disabilities that continue to haunt Jeff to this day. Their growing love might not be enough. Jeff will have to find courage from somewhere deep within to take control of his life and decide if he wants Sean to be a part of his future.

Buy at DSP

Click here for reviews of this book.





"Blue Moon"

Daredevil wrestler Brad Fraser throws his body around the ring to the cheers of the crowd, but when the lights go dark, he throws it from bed to bed to alleviate the boredom of travel. It all comes crashing down one night at the hands of the resident bad guy, but Brad finds himself rescued by the cool, suave Scott O’Doul, and the two men make a pact based on the illusion of control.

Though their relationship begins as an arrangement of pleasure rather than commitment, over the course of a year on and off the road, Brad finds himself trusting Scott more and more. But Scott plays things close to the chest, and Brad isn't sure where he stands—until the night Scott nearly pushes him too far.

Buy at DSP

Click here for reviews of this novella.





"Red Sunset"

Finding love in the wrestling arena is unlikely, and a relationship based on the illusion of control isn't easy. Scott O’Doul and Brad Fraser have managed both: one night under a blue moon's light they found they meant more to each other than either expected. Their comfortable world is shattered when Brad is released, and he must head to Japan if he wants to keep wrestling. The work is exciting but lonely—six weeks seems an eternity. Once Brad and Scott reunite, they vacation at a lakeside cabin and find the miles apart have brought them closer—but they’ll need courage if illusion of control is to become the heart of love.

Buy at DSP

Click here for reviews of this novella.




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Red Sunset -- Excerpt

Warning, the excerpt below the cut is intended for mature audiences, and is explicit in nature.

Steaming...Collapse )

A personal update about my health...

I never planned to go public with this because I thought it would be all over by now, but at each juncture it gets more out of control. So, I've decided to share this crazy story.

In February I had my annual mammogram. A week later they called to tell me I needed to have it redone, and that I had to schedule it for a time when the radiologist was there. Because that would mean taking a day off from work, I opted to do it on the first day of my Spring Break. Also, I had major lung surgery 30 years ago, and I suspected that whatever they were seeing was scar tissue from that surgery as the adhesions have been bothering me more lately. During that second mammogram they also did an ultrasound, and that's when I began to suspect something might really be wrong. They found a mass. Of course it was impossible to tell anything about it from the ultrasound, other than the fact that it didn't look anything like a cyst. They scheduled me for a biopsy the following week.

During the biopsy, usually if the needle is inserted and the mass deflates then it is a cyst, and they take a fluid sample to test. Unfortunately, that didn't happen, and in fact I heard the doctor say the word necrotic tissue. This also led me to believe it was left over scar tissue. They took a tissue sample, inserted a marker, and I was done.

Three days later the doctor called to tell me they'd found pre-cancerous cells. I panicked, as you can imagine. The following week I called a surgeon to make an appointment, and through scheduling conflicts and all, the appointment wasn't until the end of April. During that appointment I was informed that it was an intraductal papilloma, and that in 95% of those cases there's no cancer involved. I had to have what sounded like a fairly complicated procedure to remove the tissue, and that was scheduled for mid May.

For that procedure I had to go back to the imaging center, and during a mammogram they inserted a needle in the spot where the marker was left. This was worse than it sounds, being trapped in the mammogram machine for almost 20 minutes! A wire was attached to the marker and pulled through the skin, and I was admonished to move as little as possible on the ride back to the surgery clinic. From that point on it was pretty straight forward. They put me under local anesthesia, and removed the mass. It then had to be sent back to the imaging center to ensure the marker was removed, and I stayed under anesthesia while that happened. I had two days recovery, and on the third day I had the most pain, but I'm pretty much back to normal now.

The pathology reports were ready yesterday, and because we all thought I'd get a clean bill of health, my husband didn't go with me to the appointment. My son took me over, but he wasn't in the room with me when I got the news...I have cancer. It's an encapsulated carcinoma, and apparently it's very rare to have one in the breast. In fact, the surgeon has never seen it before, so he says he needs to meet with his colleagues to discuss it. Even in the lab where they analyzed the results the conferred with one another according to the report. We agreed that we'd either talk with him on the phone, or make another appointment before we decide exactly what to do. There are 2 options, the more radical of which is a full mastectomy.

Just like when I write m/m romance novels, I can't do anything normally. I write a historical romance, and while the history is fairly accurate, the homosexual history is not. Thus, The King's Tale is a hybrid that is either scorned, or loved. My health has always been that way too. When I was in my early twenties, both of my lungs collapsed spontaneously. Fortunately not at the same time, but it was something that was very rare. So now, while the prognosis for this type of cancer I have is good (it says that right on the pathology report, and the doctor said to me, "If you had to get cancer, this is the kind you'd want to get!"), it's still something out of the ordinary. My husband made me cry yesterday when I told him I can't do anything normal, he said "That's why I love you!"

I don't mean to dwell on this, so I won't update about it again until it's hopefully all over. That was the reason why I had kept my silence until now...I was hoping it would be "nothing."

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